Shit We Do On Social Media

What's up folks? I hope you guys are having helluva fun this vacations! Watched Bajirao Mastani. Good movie, especially Ranveer's acting. It could have been better had they portrayed more of warrior Bajirao rather than lover Bajirao. Deepika is insanely beautiful as usual!
Meanwhile, high court just acquitted Bhai of all the charges in that classic hit and run case! Only Bhai can go to a bar and drink a glass of water! Bhai Roxx!

They should seriously consider this!

Okay. Usually December is for the 'Frankly Speaking' series but I decided to not to go with Arnab this time.

Moving on,  I just happened to log in to my facebook account after like a month. The first thing that popped up is a random girl's display picture. Well, she was lying on a beach, tangerine sunset in the background. Overall it was a great picture, especially the scenic paradise in the background! And what caught my eye was the caption, "Ur attitude may hurt me but mine can even kill u! ;)"
Never mind. That escalated pretty quickly. The relation between the caption and the photo was just like the relation between Kejriwal and Modi these days. It killed the whole ecstasy of that picture! The icing on the cake was although the comments section. There were these guys going all head over balls about how beautiful the picture was and how she's the most charming person in this universe!

"Nice click dear!" ; "Byutiful pic!" ; "acpt my frnd reqst dear" ; "nic pic, hwz you?" ; "Gorgeous babe, luking dammm guddd!!" ; "Will u marry me!" and many more!
The efforts they put in there. Damn! It's like they're puking out all the emotions within them!

When you went in outer space to click it, of course it deserves a 'nice click'

Not just pictures, status updates too. Just the other day, this girl on my timeline had posted "Having coffee" at Starbucks, 'with Priyanka and 3 others'
And within moments there were about 10 to 12 guys who were researching on her coffee and preparing a goddamn thesis about the fact that she enjoying a coffee with her friends, means so much to them! Yes. Good luck getting laid, you pathetic shits. You can literally feel their drool, gently rolling down the comments section! It seems their desperation is definitely on Viagra!

Also, I never quite understood the mystery or logic behind writing completely unrelated deep shit philosophical quotes below your profile picture. For instance, there was this guy who had posted a photo in which he was holding a cigarette and it was captioned "It's not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves!"
Oh come on man, you're not holding your destiny or something. You're just holding cancer. Fucking cancer, in your hand. By the way, that was a Shakespeare quote. I know. Even I could hear the screams of  Shakespeare crying himself to death, up there in heaven.

Only racist people will get this.

There are times when the quotes are so deep, I repeat, so deep that up there even Rumi and Ghalib make out with each other and go to sleep, weeping uncontrollably.

Unfortunately, this idiocy isn't limited to Facebook itself. It's like Ebola. It has managed to spread across and conquer each and every social media platform out there. Yes. Twitter too. Although it might be the least infected one.

For fuck's sake, someone please find her 'Bubu'. Please.

Oh yes, how can I forget WhatsApp! It's like the cosmic universe of absurdity these days. Especially those family WhatsApp groups. They're the classic example nonsensical batcrap in a digital form. Pointless and meaningless shit gets shared there, day after day. Every morning you open the group, only to be greeted warmly by random pictures of ugly looking flowers and autistic babies who wish you 'Good morning'
Where the fuck do these guys find so many baby pictures everyday! Even pedophiles won't have that many photos of kids, in their phone. And also those inspirational messages, video clips and devotional crap. Stuff where they send random monkey pictures, claiming it's Hanuman ji. Yes.
"Isse 10 logon ko forward kare, aapki har dua puri hogi. Agar nahi karogey toh agle 7 janam aap kuttey ke roop mein paida hoge!"
Douche-bags just attained a new level of creativity, must say!

Of course, all that motivational shit inspires me. It teaches virtues like patience and non-violence. Patience to not go and beat the shit out of morons who send such bullshit.

Dem Feels! Dilse goodnight!

Too much devotion in one pic.

And during festivals, the foolishness just reaches a whole new level! People who don't even care a bit when you're smelling rat's ass the whole year long, suddenly send you "Happy *insert some occasion/event here*" texts. Oh the formality of replying to those texts! Totally ridiculous!

Believe me, I tried my best. But I just couldn't give a fuck.

You know what the hard part is? Keeping the conversation going even when you desperately want it to end. Why do people even bother?

The internet these days is like a digital commode. Where anyone can take a dump as and when they wish to! Just the way I'm doing here right now. No, I don't have a problem with that. Everyone's free to use the internet as they want.
It's just those folks who seem to suffer from virtual diarrhea and constipation. It's them I find detestable. Yes. Go ahead, you're free to call me intolerant.

Okay. So now we are trying to be bow-wow cunts. Great!

Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Twitter, Dubsmash, SnapChat, Tinder and almost every existing social media platform, you can find these folks everywhere. As Kurt Cobain once said, "I'm just stupid and contagious".
What he meant here is, stupidity in any form is highly contagious. And this is exactly what's happening here. I could go on sharing shitload of snippets but then this this article would just turn into a fucking photo album! In case you need more of this entertainment material, ping me!

Okay. Maybe I should now stop blowing out my ass. Some guy just sent me a snap of his pout faced selfie on SnapChat. Yes, it's a guy. There's this new trend where even guys have started clicking pout faced selfies. Great. They should even consider undergoing a sex change operation. Anyway, this is a democratic country and everyone here has a right to be an idiot.
Okay then, I should take your leave. Oh yes, before signing off here's this month's catalog!

Jobs. (This classic Steve Jobs biopic. Quite inspirational! Has a great soundtrack too! In Steve's words, it's limitless!)

Streets Of Love - The Rolling Stones. (Brilliant ballad by Stones! Classic! Also, they're coming with a new album soon!)

Steppenwolf - Hermann Hesse (One of the best books I've ever read! Very few books have the ability to change your mindset and Steppenwolf is one of those books. The characters, the plot, the storyline! Hesse is a genius! Perfection at it best! Can't describe it, just read and experience it yourself.)

Just got a new domain for my poetry blog. It's
No new poems though as I've discovered a new form of expression! Sketching and art! My sketching skills are just like the guy who hit puberty. Still learning. You can check them out here!

As usual, I'd like to thank Siddhi Pawar and Rohith Jayarajan for proofreading this one. I definitely owe a lot to you folks!

Also, I'd like to thank you all for reading this one. And all the folks who take out time from their precious schedule to read all the bullshit I keep writing here, every month. Love you folks! Personally, 2015 has been an amazing year! One of the best I must say! Wonderful and full of new experiences! I'd like to wish you all a happy Christmas! I hope Santa fulfills all your wishes, if not just beat the shit out of that ugly old fat fuck, the next time you see him. Also, have a new year full of happiness and prosperity! Do check out my other articles, in case you've missed them. Do keep reading and share it with your friends too!
See you folks in 2016, hopefully!

Till then, Adios!


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