Teenage Love: A Ridiculous Prelude!

Good luck finding that imaginary person. (Pic Source: Tumblr.)

What's up folks! Well, hope you're enjoying this blissful season of rains. Yeah, me too. Water logged roads, floating feces, potholes deeper than your psychological quotes, disrupted local trains, traffic jams! Damn! Such a beautiful weather!

Meanwhile, New Horizons recently had a Pluto fly by!  Yaar, log Pluto ki photo kheech kar le aate hai, aur hamein yahaan PAN card ke liye passport photo kichwaane photo studio jaane nhi hota.
People also spotted a heart shaped spot on it. The desperation to relate anything to love!

Picture on left: How some people see Pluto. Picture on right: How I see 'Pluto' (Pic Credits : Google Images)

So much has been going on in the world of space exploration recently. Reportedly Stephen Hawking is about to work on a $100mn project with this Russian billionaire Yuri Milner, to search for extraterrestrial life. Well, considering the guy's godmode intellectual capability, I doubt he might be an alien himself!

Anyway, I just happened to catch up with some of my old buddies. Who're basically 5-6 years younger to me. Yes. The only reason I still hang out with kids is because my mental growth was thwarted abruptly after puberty. Just like Rahul Gandhi.

We had a great chat and after discussing about football, science and philosophy we ultimately came to the topic guys end up discussing a lot. Women.
So, it turns out even this 14yo chap is in a relationship since a year or so!
I always love learning new stuff and I was definitely curious how this guy landed up a girlfriend for himself at such a young age. This guy ended up schooling me about relationships.

(The below conversation can be considered as an '101 on How To Get Into A Relationship')

And, here's how the convo went:

Me: So, nigga! In a relationship since a year! Congratulations man! How did this happen?

Gobu: (Name changed on purpose to protect the identity. Acronym for Gobar. That's a different story, pretty racist one.) Yaar, stop calling me Nigga. And yes! I've a girlfriend. I used to like her and humlog chat karte the everyday. And gradually it happened!

Me: Specifics please. What did you like about her? Tell me you both loved the same cartoons, isn't it?

Gobu: No bro, not like that. We used to chat on Facebook, Whatsapp etc. on  random topics. Then slowly we started knowing each other well. Jokes and all share karna. Also, the thing is that we're classmates. So, we used to share our random stories and aise chalte gaya fir. We became best buddies in no time!

Me: Wow, sounds cool! You folks are really gutsy man. I didn't know how to interact with a girl till I was 16. Anyway, what happened next?

Gobu: Hum log same coaching class jaate hai. We started hanging out more often. All this time, I got to know a lot about her. Her likes, dislikes and stuff.

Me: Okay. So when did you express your feelings? And how?

Gobu: Well, we were just dining at this Subway outlet, discussing random stuff. I wasn't listening to what she was saying as I was completely determined that I'd tell her today about how I feel. Woh apne bhai ke baare mein bol rahi thi shayad. I told her that you're sweet and all. You know right? The stuff girls love hearing. And then "I like you."
There was some momentary silence and she was blushing with shyness. She told me that she'll think about it. After like 5 or 6 days, she said yes!

Me: Damn! Where's your bravery award? *takes a bow*
Not to freak you out but you mentioned she was saying something about her brother? Did she say that he is a WWE wrestler or something. Because if that's the case, you're fucked!
Also, it took her 5 days to answer! Looks like she did some in-depth research, must say. So, what was common between you folks? You said cartoons wasn't the thing, so what was it?

Gobu: Well, many common things! We both wear spectacles. We both like blue colour. And also some uncommon things. Like I'm a fatto, but she's thin.

Me: Also, you're dark and she's fair. Wait, dark isn't the word. I can't see you right now. Only your teeth.
Anyway, pretty unusual bond between you guys it seems! My favourite colour is black. I didn't yet find a girl who likes black colour. Maybe that's why I've been single. Just saying though.
Not being a pessimistic but what would you do if this wouldn't work out well? Like if something went wrong in this relationship?

Gobu: I'd be sad, a bit angry maybe. I'll be very sad and depressed!

Me: How much sad? Normal wala sad or "FUCK THIS SHIT! I'LL KILL EVERYONE! GENOCIDEE!" wala sad?

Gobu: Stop mocking bro. I'm very serious about this relationship. I know some of my friends who have been through breakups. Believe me, it hurts a lot.

Me: What did your friends do after such a "brutal" break up? Did they ever recover or are they dead now?

Gobu: Umm, some of them took months to recover. Some of them never recovered. Haath pe blade maarna and all bhi hota hai kuch cases mein. Sad stuff man. After few months of sadness and constantly being in drunk state, ultimately they recover.

Me: Hmm. Sounds pretty sad. And stupid too.

After talking random nonsense for like an hour, we took off.

All this time I kept wondering about how different today's teenagers are. What went wrong with them? Love! Relationships! Heartbreak!
Who hurt you guys? Seriously. Who hurt you? (I keep repeating sentences. I know. I suffer from Alzheimer's)

Where are the folks that used to only care about Goku's death and Androids invading earth?
Or losing a Beyblade battle?

When I was 14, I was still trying to woo this chick called Denise in GTA San Andreas. Well, she was my first virtual girlfriend. Even I had heartbreaks, But I wasn't drunk as skunk, maudlin on my existence altogether. Also, I didn't go around slicing my wrists with blades. Although, I feel doing that when I tweet emo shit on Twitter.

I vaguely remember that day, when I had my first heartbreak. I was in 4th grade. I liked this girl because she had a tazzo of Pikachu but she refused to trade it for my Psyduck.
Bimbo. She didn't even know that when Psyduck evolves into Golduck, it can beat Pikachu's arse in terms of swagger quotient!
Never mind. :(

First kiss at the age of 11. Great going.
I've been single all my life. Reason? Well, better not go down that road.

The thing is, cupid never struck me. And when it did, I just took a bigger crossbow and shot him dead.
Okay. I should now stop this here. As Aristotle once said it,

"Never write your articles so long & boring that people will go on reading it for centuries, ultimately dying a painful death due to the endless ennui arising out of it!"

I hope you enjoyed reading this one. Please share it with your friends if you liked it. If not, suggestions and criticisms are always welcome! Feel free to abuse me in the comments section below, send death threats or whatever.
I thank you folks from the bottom of my heart, for the amazing response you gave to my previous article: The Social Acceptance Quandary!
I'd like to thank Rohith Jayarajan for proofreading this one!
Also, this month's catalog!

Movie: Spy (Melissa McCarthy nailed it. Humourous!)

Song: The Lovers - Arctic Monkeys. (Beautiful song! Classic Arctic Monkeys. Indie music is indeed beautiful. That raw voice of Alex Turner!) 

Book: Song Of Solomon - Toni Morrison.

New poems on my Poetry blog. You can check them out too: Isolation.

Okay. I should take your leave now.
Till then, Adios! :)


Popular posts from this blog

The Imbecility Of Indian Daily Soaps!

Between Artificial Intelligence and Humanity

We Don't Need No Religion